I almost forgot!  It's National Grammar Day in the US! This is a good day for all of us to think about the health of our colons!

http://nationalgrammarday.com

Feeding Our Pet Peeves

This NPR op/ed is fantastic! 
But for the record, it's a different Scott.  Honest.

One caveat to rule them all...

I create a lot of lists. Some of them are personal guidelines I follow while I'm writing. They're not rules because I firmly believe that there aren't very many hard and fast rules to writing. In fact, there's only inviolate rule I can think of... Elements are in service to the story, the story is never in service to its elements. I've stated it here before, but it's been awhile and it bears repeating. All of the suggestions I bring to the table can be summed up by that one. Cormac McCarthy taught us that even punctuation is optional under the right circumstances and Anthony Burgess and Irvine Welsh taught us that language is infinitely malleable if the story is served. Under the correct circumstances, you can and should throw it all to the wind and tell your story. And in the spirit of brevity, I find to my surprise that that's all I have to say today.

Great Big Meanies (A backlist book review)

I must confess: I'm guilty of book-rustling. Last week, someone left a book lying around the break room at work and I couldn't find anyone who would claim it. (I did try to ask permission before borrowing it, honest!)

I really do try not to judge a book by its cover, but Grammar Snobs Are Great Big Meanies strikes me as a deliberate attempt to provoke an exquisitely-erudite riot. Surely I was doing a service to my fellow grammarians by removing it from the writing center for the weekend.

We wouldn't want the grammar snobs to riot, now would we? (Though I admit that the image of disapproving grammarians toting well-punctuated picket signs tickles me somewhat.)

All seriousness aside, newspaper copy editor June Casagrande has made grammar funny again. She has written what I can only describe as the anti-Eats Shoots and Leaves by lobbing the verbal hand grenade back across the lines.

It seems impossible that someone can teach you the difference between the subjunctive and indicative verb forms and effect the pantsing of the entire English language establishment in one go, but Ms Casagrande manages it. Not only does she manage it, but she makes it funny.

At risk of cliche I must say: This is not your father's grammar guide. In fact, if you want to test Fitzgerald's axiom about first-rate intelligence ("...the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function") then you should read this book back-to-back with the humorously-fussy Eats Shoots and Leaves. You would be surprised to know that it's possible without your head exploding, but only just. (I just did it and the headache lingers.) Somewhere between Lynn Truss's call to take up arms in the fight against the Decline and Fall of Western Punctuation and June Casagrande imploring us to get a grip lies the battlefield where most of us live.

Think of Grammar Snobs Are Great Big Meanies as a survival guide for those of us caught in the combat zone. Casagrande has provided a strategy guide for those put-upon by the free-roaming grammar snobs in our midst.

"It's time, oh yes, it's time for the rest of us to stand up to these snobs--to call their bluff. If not for our own edification, if not to gain a better command of the language and all the doors it opens to us--at the very least we must learn a little about grammar and usage for the sheer thrill of taking down these grammar tyrants, one at a time, just to watch them fall."

Each chapter is targeted at a specific common error that is harped-upon by those who wish to polish their linguistic credentials on the foreheads of those less fortunate. Casagrande makes her hyperbolic stance work by using self-deprecating anecdotes and a liberal dose of dark humor. She makes short work of the Oxford Comma, the predicate nominative, semicolons, punctuation within quotes and a host of other issues that define the linguistic battlefield. In fact, by staking out the two ends of the grammar spectrum, this book and Eats, Shoots & Leaves work remarkably well together.

You might want to keep them apart of your bookshelf though, lest you have to break up a fight.

This is a highly-recommended addition to your reference library and a darn fun read. How often do you hear those two things in the same sentence?

32 Most Commonly Mis-used Words & Phrases

This morning the Tattered Cover bookstore posted a link on their news feed over on FB that lists the 32 most common screw-ups in written English. As far as I'm concerned, it's required reading for anyone who wants to write. (So is Elements of Style by Strunk & White, which is much the same, but fussier and charmingly old-fashioned.) By now you know that I advocate that you split boldly the infinitive and mercilessly dangle that preposition when need presents itself. The tale is the master and the language servant to the need to get your point across. But there are rules of usage that cannot be set aside so easily. The 32 Most Commonly Misused Words and Phrases Found on the "Help! Educational Blog" by the Help! Tutoring service. I haven't looked at this blog in awhile and it's generating some nice content.

Grammarians at the gates...

My friend Rebecca is a high school English teacher. The other day she posted this on her Facebook page:

Punctuation, grammar and spelling are like traffic signs. They smooth the flow of communication and you may be cited for an infraction. And they can and will change without warning. But they are not a Moral Issue.

That's a great quote. There followed a lively back-and-forth in her comments string involving Oxford commas and the murderous passions that we have seen inflamed by grammatical debate. (It occurs to me that I have a gloriously nerdy circle of friends.) Her point is excellent. Punctuation is the servant of the sentence, not the master. Pacing and traffic flow are paramount and punctuation must serve this need and not hinder passage nor cause a pileup. Professional writers should learn from this lesson aimed at high school students. Especially the 'morality issue'. Every writer should bone-up on punctuation and grammar and keep their Bedford Guide or Hacker close at hand. There are rules of usage and words mean certain things. As Rebecca noted, some rules are enforced unevenly and you may be cited for violations. If you choose for stylistic purposes to avoid or ignore rules, it should be conscious and it should be consistent. Ever read Cormac McCarthy's The Road? Goest thou and do likewise. But it's not a moral issue. Not knowing or not following every rule doesn't make you an evil person. In my view, there's nothing wrong with having rules of the road, but when those rules constrain or restrain you beyond your ability to tell a story, set them aside. Let the children (and their teachers) lead them. Tell your story as clearly and concisely as you can. If you need to break a rule, do it. Don't let the semicolons boss you around. Put the pedants on 'pause' and let your morality rest easy -- when you are writing a story, you are answering a higher calling.

Scott Walker Perkins writes literary thrillers and novels of suspense woven from the threads of history. His current novel is The Palimpsest and he is working on another tentatively titled 42 Lines. Email: swalkerperkins@gmail.com Blog: Pages to Type Before I Sleep

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Random thoughts on a (snowy) Wednesday

Grammar Check Dear Microsoft, The word "etcetera" means "and so forth" so please stop prompting me to insert an "and" in front of it. "And and so forth" is absurd. And redundant. And and redundant. And and and redundant. Get the picture? Thank you. That's No Moon, It's a Space Station! The US Government has perfected a SuperLaser capable of focusing a blast equivalent to that of a Hydrogen Bomb on a point roughly the size of a pencil eraser. The system works by combining several smaller beams into a focused point to replicate the effects of a nuclear explosion wihtout breaking the ABM test ban treaty. In other news: the space station we have been building to house the new laser array is encountering production difficulties and has experienced significant delays due to workforce issues, OSHA violations and the troubles with the indiginous tribes on the planet which houses our magnetic field generators. Emperor Palpatine's office reports that efforts have been redoubled ahead of the expected Rebel attack. Ok. That part's a joke. But the Super Laser is real. Honest. Artsy Fartsy If you've read "Support" you'll know that I am a potter, sculptor and dabbler in most visual arts as well as being a writer. In that spirit, I will periodically introduce to you some of the internet-accessible elements of design that tripped that tricky trigger hidden deep within the jungles of the right hemisphere of my noggin. All of that's a long buildup to telling you I think this re-think of the ubiquitous sports helmet from Canedo Studios is so cool that it defies words... The Gladiator --- Death Star II image from http://www.obh.snafu.de/~madley/starwars/Tech.html